The DKMders mission - episode 1 to 4

Here is the compilation of the first 4 episodes of the mission of "die Doomkrusmannders Mädchen" (formerly called "Doomkrusmann Mädchen"), a group of 5 Rammstein girl fans who are up to everything in order to enjoy the company of their Teutonic idols, Till, Schneider, Richard and their little bonus, Paul.
Be ready for the crazy tricks that Sasha, Tine, Pitch, Jackie and Mihael prepared for their next concert!

The mission of “die Doomkrusmann Mädchen” – episode I:
Kidnapping Richard

*girls are hiding in a cupboard*
Richard (who is standing just in front of the door of the cupboard): I'm sure I saw some girls talking about kidnapping us...
Paul: You were just daydrrrreaming, Richard!
Schnei: Again!!
R+ guys: Hahahahhahahaha!
Jackie: hee-hee-hee!
Girls: sshhhh!
Richie: Did you hear that?!?
Till: Was?
Richie: This "sshhh!" - did you hear it??
Till: Es gibt nichts!
*R+ guys are going away*
Richie: Ich bin sicher - I'm sure I heard something...
*he slowly goes away*
Richie: I'm sure of it...
*he stops - frowns - then opens the cupboard*
Sasha: Scheisse!
Richie: ????
Jackie: Oh! Mama mia!
*gapes in admiration*
Richie: Wer - wer seid ihr? I mean: Who -
Sasha: Tine! The net!
Richie: - are you?
*Tine throws the net on Richie's face*
Sasha: Muy bien! Mihael! The shot!
*Mihael is looking for the syringe*
Richie: What's that fucking -
Sasha: Mihael!!!
Mihael: I'm trying, I'm trying!
Tine: C'mon! Hurry up!
*Richie gets rid of the net*
Jackie: Please! Don't go away - it's just a joke!
Richie: A joke????!!!!!
Tine: Yes! exactly - er...it's gonna be a funny experiment!
Richie: Experiment????
*Richie steps back*
Sasha: Nein! Bleib hier!
Richie: Was? Wer bist du? Bist du Deutsch?
Sasha: Ja! genau!
Richie: Du siehst nicht Deutsch aus.
*Tine, Jackie, and Mihael look at Sasha, then at Richie, then back at Sasha*
Sasha: What? You got a problem against my color of skin?
Richie: What? Er...no, not at all!
Sasha: So why did you say that?
Richie: I just...er - well, er...
*Mihael grasps a mop*
Richie: What are you doing with that, little girl?
Mihael: Er...I'm gonna hit you!
Richie: Hm?
*Mihael knocks Richie off with the mop, Richie falls onto the floor - the girls step outside the cupboard*
Sasha: YEAH! Great job Mihael!
Jackie: I think you hurt him though.
Mihael: Oh! look at the bright side: he looks happy when he sleeps!
Sasha: hahaha! Oh yeah!
Tine: Now we've got a problem.
*the other girls frown*
Tine: We must carry him out of sight before security guys come up.
Sasha: Let's put him in the cupboard!

The mission of “die Doomkrusmann Mädchen” – episode II:
Sleepy Paul

~backstage, in R+ private room~
PAUL: Wo ist Richard?
SCHNEIDER: Keine Idee.
PAUL: Oli? Weißt du wo Richard ist?
OLI: Nein.
FLAKE: Ich dachte, dass er hinter uns –
PAUL: Richard???
TILL: Oh! Schrei nicht! Ich will schlaffen.
~Paul frowns~
PAUL: Es gibt einen Journalist, der mit dir sprechen will.
TILL: Ja, und dann?
THE JOURNALIST: Well, er... I just – have – a few questions – won’t be too long – really –
~Paul frowns and smiles~
THE JOURNALIST: May – may I?
TILL: No.
~Till lies down on the sofa again~
THE JOURNALIST: O-ok.
PAUL ~frowning~: Das ist nicht normal…
~Paul goes out of the private room – he takes a look on his right – then on his left~
PAUL: Richard?
~Paul frowns~
PAUL: RICHARD??????!!!!!
~Schneider opens the door of the private room, sticks his head out~
SCHNEI: Vielleicht ist er sauer.
PAUL: Ja, vielleicht...
~Schneider goes back into the room and closes the door~
SASHA: NOW!!!!
~Pitch, now dressed as a cat, appears from nowhere and prepares for an attack~
PAUL ~frowning~: Was ist das??
PITCH: Aksssss!
PAUL: ????
~Mihael creeps behind Paul’s back~
PITCH: Ksss ksss!… C’mon! Be afraid of me!!
PAUL: Afrrraid? Afrrrraid of what? Of you? ~smiles~
PITCH: Hey! Don’t mock me! I had a f*cking bad day today – I’m not in a mood for jokes!
PAUL: Hm?
SASHA: Mihael? What are you doing???
MIHAEL: Er…er…well, gimme more time!
~Paul turns around and frowns~
PAUL: What arrre you doing, little girl?
MIHAEL: Hm? Er…Nothing, really.
~Paul frowns even more~
MIHAEL: You should stop frowning so much – it makes bad wrinkles on the fac –
SASHA: Mihael?!!
MIHAEL: Hm? Oh! Yeah, sorry, hee-hee! Here it is!!
~Paul looks at Mihael’s syringe – Mihael smiles then sticks the syringe in Paul’s arm~
PITCH: About time! I hate that costume!
JACKIE: Buenas noches, little bonus.
PAUL: Was...? Bonoos...?
~Paul falls on the floor~
TINE: Good night, Paul.
MIHAEL: Yes! For once, I got it!
SASHA: C’mon! c’mon! we must carry him to the cupboard! Hurry up! The others may come back in any time…

The mission of “die Doomkrusmann Mädchen” – episode III:
The Fight!

RICHARD: ~in the cupboard~ Was ist das?? WAS IST DAS??
PITCH: Shut up!
~the girls throw Paul onto Richie~
RICHARD: ????
SASHA: Excellent! Now, Tine, you must get prepared!
TINE: OK, boss!
THE OTHER GIRLS: hee-hee-hee!
~Tine grasps her bag~
SASHA: Now I think you can take off your catsuit, Pitch.
PITCH: Why? I love that catsuit!
JACKIE: Hee-hee! You really look so cute!
PITCH: Thanks! ~stretches one hand like a claw~ Meow!
JACKIE: Jajajajaja!
RICHIE: HEY! I WANT EXPLANATIONS RIGHT NOW! WHO ARE –
~Sasha closes the cupboard door~
RICHIE: - YOU?… Damn!
PAUL: Mmm…?
RICHIE: Paul?
~Paul puts his head on Richie’s lap and goes back to sleep~
RICHIE: Pffff!
SASHA: Now, Tine is ready – who goes to knock on the private room door?
~The other girls look at one another~
SASHA: C’mon!! OK then! Mihael, go!
MIHAEL: Why? It’s always me who take the worst risks and –
SASHA: Oh! C’mon! Now it’s Tine who will have a hard job, c’mon!
MIHAEL: OK, OK! Pffff!
~Mihael goes knocking on the private room door; Oli opens it~
OLI: Ja?
MIHAEL: Darf’ ich mit Schneider sprechen?
OLI: Schneider? Es gibt ein...kleines Mädchen, das mit dir sprechen will...
SCHNEIDER: Hm? Ich komme...
~Oli goes back into the room to let Schneider out~
SCHNEI: Ja?
~Mihael smiles, then frowns, finally turns around to face the girls~
MIHAEL: What am I supposed to do now?
TINE: BEWARE!!!
SCHNEI: ????
MIHAEL: Wow!
~Tine, dressed like Uma Thurman in Kill Bill, rushes towards Schnei~
SCHNEI: Was ist…?
~Mihael steps back; Schnei instinctively goes back into the room and calls for help~
SCHNEI: Nele???
~Nele comes out of the room; Tine frowns~
TINE: Damn!
JACKIE: Oh! Oh! No...
PITCH: Oh! Yeah, that’s gonna be interesting now!
~Nele gets ready to fight~
MIHAEL ~to Schneider~: I bet Teeny will win!
SCHNEI: Ah yes? You sink so? I bet for Nele!
MIHAEL: Deal! The winner does what she or he wants with the loser!
SCHNEI: OK!
~Nele and Tine get closer to each other; and then starts the fight! Nele grasps Tine and throws her into the air. But Tine manages to get onto her feet before falling, and now runs around Nele. Nele crawls and grasps one of Tine’s feet. Tine loses balance and falls onto the floor.~
SCHNEI: Yes!
JACKIE: Oh! No…
~But the fight is not over! Tine manages to fly into the air and freezes like Neo in Matrix. Nele gasps. Tine makes smooth turn and puts her foot right into Nele’s face. Nele is thrown away hard onto the wall.~
SCHNEI: Ouch!
PITCH: Yeah!
~Tine goes back onto the ground. Nele shakes her head~
TINE: So? Is that all?
NELE: Bitch!
MIHAEL: Oh!
SASHA: Show her what you can do, Tine!
~Nele gets ready for the 2nd round when Oli comes out of the room~
OLI: Was passiert?
SCHNEI: Hm? Oh, nichts!
MIHAEL: Just a bet!
OLI: Ah? OK. ~frowns, then goes back into the room~
~Tine gets ready for the attack. Nele runs to her and pushes her right to the other wall~
JACKIE: Ugh!
PITCH: C’mon, Tine!
~Tine was grabbing Nele and turning her upside down when Till comes out~
TILL: ~with his grumpy look~ Oli hat mir gesagt, dass… hm? Nele? Was tust du, Nele?
~Tine lets Nele go~
NELE ~gasping~: Diese... diese Hure... wollte...wollte Schneider...
TINE: What? Hey! Sasha? Did she say I’m a whore!??
TILL: Nele! Das ist sehr böse zu sagen!
NELE: Aber...!
TILL: Nein!
MIHAEL ~to Schneider~: You lost!
SCHNEI: What? No, I did not lose: zey haven’t finished fighting!
MIHAEL: Yes, you lost! If Till hadn’t come up, Nele would be lying down with her head open, blood everywhere, you see? That’s fortunate Till came up. You lost.
SCHNEI: What? No! I – I…er… Pfff! OK! What am I supposed to do for you?
MIHAEL: ~smiles broadly~ Go to Sasha, she will explain.
SCHNEI: ~hesitating~ I don’t know…
SASHA: Oh! Komm mit deiner Mutter, Schneider. Komm! Komm!
TILL and NELE: Mutter???
SASHA: Ja! Ich bin seine Mutter!
TILL: Schneider? Komm mit mir!
SASHA: NEIN! Schneider? Komm mit MIR!
~Till frowns at Sasha; Sasha frowns at Till. Mihael winks at Jackie. Jackie doesn’t understand. Mihael sighs in exasperation. Jackie suddenly realises what she’s supposed to do~

The mission of “die Doomkrusmann Mädchen” – episode IV:
Part 1: Till and the Latin dancers

~Till is still frowning at Sasha – and Sasha is still frowning back. Schnei doesn’t know what to do, so he stands where he is. Tine and Pitch slowly come closer to Schnei, from behind…~
JACKIE: Till? Do you like dancing?
TILL: Hm?
~Till turns to face Jackie. Sasha winks at Pitch and Tine, who jump on Schnei and take him away~
NELE: Papa!! Seh ! Sie gehen mit Schneid –
~Jackie strips into a very sexy red dress; Sasha into a green one~
TILL: Oh!…
NELE: Papa?
TILL ~without looking at Nele~: Hm?
NELE: Pfff!
~Mihael puts some Latin music on~
TILL: Ah! Ich liebe Mariachi Musik!
SASHA: Ja! Wir wissen!
JACKIE: Komm! komm her!
SASHA: Kennst du die Mambo Stepps?
TILL: Mmm?…Oh! Ja! Ein bisschen!
~Till smiles as if he were in heaven, and takes Jackie and Sasha by the waist~
TILL: Zeig mir! Show me, show me!!

~meanwhile, in the cupboard:~
RICHARD: WAS IST DAS???
PAUL: Mmm?
SCHNEI: Oh! Schrei nicht! Das ist nur mich, Schneider!
RICHARD: Ah? Ok...Warum bist du hier?
SCHNEI: Pff! Ich hab’ verloren!
RICHARD: Verloren was?
SCHNEI: Nichts! Pfff!…
PITCH ~from the other side of the cupboard door~: I just can’t wait to share…
TINE: Neither do I…
~Richard, Paul and Schnei listen attentively~
PITCH: What if I take Schnei and you take Rich, right now – without telling the others?
TINE: They will know we cheated!
PITCH: Pfff! Who cares?
~Schnei and Richard frown; Paul smiles~
PAUL: Sie wollen ficken!! Hahaha!
~Pitch, who just heard Paul’s remark, opens the cupboard door~
PAUL ~smiling~: You know, if you two want to fuck, I’m rrready forr you!
PITCH: He really looks like a pervert like that.
TINE: Yeah, he’s quite…scary!
SCHNEI and RICHARD: HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA!
PAUL: Pfff!

~back to the Latin dancers and Till: Sasha and Jackie are showing the steps for Till to follow them. He sometimes stops to look at the girls, smiling – then leaps between the two girls to dance with both at the same time. Nele went back into the private room to call for help:~
NELE: Wo ist María?
FLAKE: Ich weiß nicht.
OLI: Vielleicht ist sie im Badzimmer...
NELE: María!
MARÍA: Qué?
NELE : Aquí!! Y pronto!
MARÍA ~sighs very heavily~: Pfff !
~ María comes out of the private room~
TILL ~between Sasha and Jackie, looking at their legs~: Schön…sehr schön...
MARÍA ~furious~: Qué…? TILL!!!!!!!
~Till turns around and immediately becomes like a puppy~
TILL: Oh? Er… María! Er…Zis is not what you sink… I was…er…I was…
MARÍA: You was WHAT????
TILL: I…I…just… I was just… dancing salsa… see?
~Till makes the mambo steps, smiles like an idiot~
MARÍA: Are you mocking me??
TILL: Nein! No, of courrrse, no!
MARÍA: You come back here, right now!
TILL: Okay, Okay…
JACKIE: Ay! Segura que no! ~keeps Till by the arm~
SASHA: Es con nosotras para siempre ! ~keeps Till by the other arm~
MARÍA ~even more furious than before~: Dámelo!!! o voy a matar –
MIHAEL: Hey! Bitch! Turn around!

Part 2: “Asche zu Asche…”

MARÍA: Qué?
MIHAEL ~with a huge flamethrower in her hands~: Say Adios to the world, chiquita!
MARÍA: Hm??
~Mihael reduces Maria to ashes in just a few seconds – no time for Till to shout “NEIN!!!!” – no time for Sasha or Jackie to gasp in amazement – no time for Nele to smile (Nele didn’t like Maria actually); it seems nobody really notices what Mihael just did~
FLAKE: Wow!
~except Flake, of course, who just came out of the private room to see what was happening~
FLAKE: Sehr gut!
MIHAEL: Danke schön!
~Flake smiles at Mihael then goes back into the private room; Mihael looks as if she had seen an angel, then shakes her head to get rid of her dirty visions, and finally turns towards Till~
TILL ~gasping~: …..
MIHAEL ~smiling~: Oops…
SASHA and JACKIE ~getting away from the crime scene~: Er…
~Till looks angrier and angrier, his fist ready to fight…~
SASHA: I think we gonna go now…
JACKIE: Er…yes! Sorry, Mihael, but…
~Jackie and Sasha run away; Mihael looks at Nele, who disappears into the private room~
TILL: DU!
MIHAEL: Hm?
TILL: DU HAST –
MIHAEL ~singing~: Du hast mich – du hast mich gefragt – du hast mich gefr –
~Till looks furious; Mihael abruptly stops singing~
MIHAEL: Okay, Okay…Tut mir leid, Till, aber…
TILL: RRRrrrrrr!...
MIHAEL: Aber...sie... hee-hee-hee...
~Mihael hesitates, then she takes the flamethrower again and warns Till~
MIHAEL: Be careful, I could burn you too – I am a real devil when I want to!
TILL ~surprised~: Hm?
~Mihael looks at Till – Till looks at Mihael~

Part 3: “Bestrafe mich”

TILL: Who arrre you?
MIHAEL: I am the woman of your nightmares.
TILL ~frowning~: Rrreally?
MIHAEL: And of your dreams too.
TILL: Why did you kill meine Marrria?
MIHAEL: She deserved it – she’s no proper Domina for you.
TILL: Ah yes? And you arrre maybe?
MIHAEL: Of course!
~Mihael hesitates, but finally puts the flamethrower down; she strips into her sexy, black underwear, that is: her corset, stockings and all – she just keeps her high-heeled shoes on~
TILL ~gasping~: You arrre…a rrreal Domina?
MIHAEL: Of course, I am!
~Mihael bows down to get her whip~
TILL ~smiling like an idiot~: Oh Ja!
SASHA ~who just came back to make sure Mihael was not dead~: What are you doing???
MIHAEL ~trying to hide the whip behind her back~: Er…nothing! Nothing at all!
TILL ~excited~: Whip me! Whip me!
~the other girls come back~
TINE: You wanted to whip Till???
MIHAEL: No, no.
JACKIE: Are you crazy??? He’s gonna have lots of scars!
MIHAEL: Oh? Er…yeah, that’s right – but scars are kinda cute!
SASHA, JACKIE and TINE: Hm????
TILL ~on all fours~: C’mon! Whip me! Whip me!!
PITCH ~laughing~: That’s epic! D’you have another whip for me?
MIHAEL: Sure! Check in my bag!
PITCH: Cool!
~Mihael turns to face Till, and smiles at him~
MIHAEL: Du willst ein guter Hund sein, ja?
TILL: Oh! Ja, ja!
~Picth, who just found another whip, throws a dog collar to Mihael; Mihael puts it on Till’s neck and they slowly walk towards the cupboard~
SASHA, JACKIE and TINE: Hm?????

Part 4: “Mann gegen Mann”

Meanwhile, in the cupboard...
SCHNEI: ~sighs~
RICHIE: ~sighs even louder~
PAUL: I’m surrre zey wanna fuck us.
SCHNEI: Oh! Shut up, Paul!
PAUL: I’m surrre of it. It is obvious…
RICHIE: ~sighs again~
~They hear people speaking behind the door~
SCHNEI: Sshh! Listen!

PITCH: That’s gonna be great fun!
JACKIE: Don’t tell me you really wanna hurt them?
PITCH: I’m gonna like it – especially their look – imagine their look when they gonna see that in my hand!
MIHAEL: Hee-hee-hee!
PITCH: That’s gonna be…epic!
JACKIE: I don’t think it’s a good idea…
TINE: Well, if you take into account how Till reacted…
SASHA: Yeah, Tine has a point: he really loved it.
PITCH: I take Schnei!
TINE: So I take Richie then.
SASHA: No, I take Schnei!
JACKIE: Hey! I want Richie too!
PITCH: I’m gonna be more efficient than you, Sasha – so I take Schnei first!
TINE: You said you didn’t want to hurt him, Jackie.
SASHA: Oh! C’mon! I can do it too – I’m their Mutter – I can punish them very well!
JACKIE: Well…I…er…Oh! If that’s what Richie wants I can do it…
~in the cupboard, Richie and Schnei are so scared that they are embracing each other~
PAUL: And me????
~silence~
PAUL: Oops!
MIHAEL: I can take Paul if nobody wants him.
SASHA: Let me think… Okay! Pitch takes Schnei; Tine and Jackie take Richie – he’s got big muscles, we need two girls for him; and I take Paul. Is that alright for everybody?
TINE: Excellent!
PITCH: Yeah!
JACKIE: Okay!
MIHAEL: And I just watch you?
SASHA: Hey! You’ve got Till so don’t complain!
MIHAEL: Oh yeah, right! Willst du mehr, Till?
TILL: Oh! Ja! Encore, encore!!
MIHAEL : Oh ! he’s so cute when he speaks French like that !
~Paul, Schnei and Richie look at each other – totally scared! Sasha opens the door. The guys in the cupboard discover each of the girls has a whip in their hands~
PAUL, SCHNEI, and RICHIE: AAAAAAaaaaaaarrrrrrrgh!