Glaub mir - translation - part 2

Her tongue around mine is like an electroshock. The spark that results slithers straight into my bowels, where it remains just a little while before it goes and wakes my sex back into motion. Myalis allows me no way out: her knee settles between my thighs, her hands pin my shoulders against the couch. After losing control of my tongue, I can see my hands exploring the burning, slender waist of the girl who, in order to make all my scruples vanish, just whispered into my ear:
“Believe me: I am not a virgin.”
Her remark makes me realize that she is only fourteen, she is even younger than Marie-Louise, I’d better, no, I must curb her enthusiasm before it’s too late – but it is already too late: Amaryllis’s phantom comes back into my arms – still elusive – who slips out of my hands – still passionate, and with the same authority when she rides me – still delicate too… so I take her gently and lay her down on my couch under my body crackling with desire for her.
Deep down, my conscience screams I should stop, but I can’t – I do not see the fourteen-year-old girl anymore – I see her mother resurrected, who appeared specially for me to redeem my sins, my doubts too. I do not see the woman with whom I had dared imagine experiencing a mad passion for one night, one night in my miserable existence devoid of any emotion that makes hearts flutter. I see only the corpse who haunts my nightmares and comes back to me in an enchanted dream, almost too exquisite to be true. I do not see how much Myalis’s hands are smaller, her skin softer, her flesh so firm. Yes, I’m losing my mind. I completely lose my mind when she comes loudly, clasping my penis in her vagina so tightly that it gets intoxicated with these unpredictable contractions, deliciously uncontrollable. I know that I am rushing headlong into a volcano with every jerk. I know that my remorse will trigger not only the shame of a coward but also the disgust of the pervert one. I know, I know all that. But my body did not give a damn!
When I ejaculate, my eyes close, my mind is dying, and my body hugs the tiny creature who is scratching my ribs. The ecstasy that seizes me is such that I even forget my name – I forget everything – everything that makes me a man.

„Sie will es und so ist es fein
So war es und so wird es immer sein
Sie will es und so ist es Brauch
Was sie will bekommt sie auch“

***

“Wake up.”
When I opened my eyes, I saw her bending over me to grab her jacket.
“That’s an hour drive to Schwerin airport, right?”
“Er…ja…yes, why?”
“There are only two and a half hours left before takeoff,” she said, putting away her jacket in her luggage.
“Oh, crap!”
She stepped aside to let me get dressed, I rushed to take my keys, we drove as fast as possible to the airport. When she showed her ID card to the hostess, I had not realised what had happened yet. I still had the evanescent taste of our fiery flirtation in my mind like a dream I’d rather forget. And in front of the security gates, I didn’t want at all to decide whether my unforgivable act was real or not.
She turned towards me one last time, she gave me a half-smile, and then she exclaimed:
“I think we won’t meet again!”

***

Amaryllis’s petal. This is all that you are when I look at the scratches that you left on my shivering skin. And I weep.
Tears of shame –
And tears of hate.
I became a beast for you to forget.
I forgot the man who I should have remained.

This is only fiction. I do not pretend to describe similarities with the personality of real people.
I dedicate this short story to Till Lindemann, who will certainly forgive me.