The DKMders mission - episode 5 to 7

The mission of “die Doomkrusmann Mädchen” – episode V:
The Hotel

JACKIE: C’mon! C’mon! Let’s hurry up! C’mon!
~the girls (who tied up each of the R+ guys, and even put an adhesive on their mouths) are leading them into a hotel: Jackie managed to steal the keys for the rooms~
JACKIE: Shh! Make no sound!
PITCH: Of course! that’d be fun if someone found us though: 5 girls with 4 men tied up like dogs!
THE GIRLS: SSSssshhh!
PITCH: Oh, sorry!
~They decide to take the stairs~
SASHA~whispering~: The lift is too dangerous, someone could see us.
~But Paul doesn’t seem to act like a good dog~
SASHA: C’mon! Paul, follow me!
~Paul shakes his head and doesn’t move from the bottom of the stairs – the other R+ guys turn to look at him~
SASHA: Paul! If you refuse, I’ll whip you again!
~Paul frowns, then shakes his head again~
MIHAEL: I’ve got an idea… Till? ~smiling at him, then winking in a sexy way~
~Till frowns, then nods, gets up, and finally hits Paul hard on his head~
TINE: Till really obeys you, eh?
MIHAEL: He’s my good little dog… Hm, Till? Show her how good you are!
~Till shakes his head then puts it on Mihael’s belly~
SASHA: Now, Paul, do the same! Is it clear??
~Paul nods and follows the rest of the group. They slowly climb the stairs – Jackie stopping the group from time to time to make sure nobody saw them. They reached the 4th floor when a man in a very dark suit comes up from nowhere and stands right in front of them~
PITCH, TINE, and JACKIE ~gasping~: Oh no…
~Then a boy comes up, and stands next to the man~
SASHA: I think we’re in trouble…
TINE: What do we do?
PITCH: Let’s pretend it’s just normal…
MIHAEL ~to the 2 strangers~: Excuse me?
SASHA: Mihael!!! What are you doing????
MIHAEL: Hm? I’m just – well, I’m just communicating!
JACKIE: Bad idea!
TINE: Yeah! Very bad idea!
AISH: See? That’s what I told you!
MICHAEL: Damn! They did it!
JACKIE: Aish???
SASHA: Michael???
PITCH: What the f*ck!
MICHAEL: And they wouldn’t even share!
AISH: With whom?
MICHAEL: With US!
AISH ~frowning~: Oh! No, don’t tell me you’re –
MICHAEL: No, no, I’m not gay, I mean –
TINE: Sorry, guys, but we’ve got business.
~Tine and Richard go on towards their room; Richard frowns at Michael, as if he had recognized him~
MICHAEL: Hey! Hey! Hey! Can I talk to Richard? I’ve got a great new song – he must listen to it!
TINE: I don’t know…what do you prefer, Richard? A great night with a beautiful model like me…or…advising Michael?
~Richard looks as if he were thinking hard…~
AISH: Pfff! ~facing the other girls ~ So you all gonna have a good beast-like sado-masochistic party, eh? Tell me when I can join you!
MIHAEL: You’re disgusting, Aish. Till, show him how pure our love is.
~Till looks up at Mihael, then puts his face right between her legs and his hands on her buttocks~
MIHAEL: Pfff!
PITCH: Epic fail!
AISH: Yeah, that’s what I thought. When you finish with the guys, just call me!
~Richard is still thinking hard on the dilemma; Schnei sighs and finally points at Tine~
TINE: See! Richie is just for me!
~Tine goes towards the room, where Jackie is already unlocking the door, Richard following her~
MICHAEL: What??? But – but…he didn’t choose!
PAUL ~who just got rid of his adhesive~: I can listen to your song, if you want.
MICHAEL: But – I…I wanted Richard to… ~deep sigh~
PAUL: As you wish.
~Paul follows Sasha; Schnei pats on Michael’s shoulder then follows Pitch; Mihael grabs Till’s hair and forces him to follow her~
MICHAEL: Pfff! It’s unfair! Just because they are…they are…beautiful girls! Pfff!
AISH: Well…look at the bright side: 4 men for 5 girls. You see what I mean?
MICHAEL: …No, I don’t.
AISH: Oh! C’mon!
MICHAEL: There’s one R+ missing? They should’ve taken Oli too!
AISH: No! There’s gonna be…one girl…FREE! See what I mean?
~Michael frowns~
MICHAEL: The girls are right: you’re a damn pervert, Aish!

The mission of “die Doomkrusmann Mädchen” – episode VI:
Part 1: The “aside” about Oli

~The girls are getting ready to have fun with the R+ guys, whom they have untied and who are just keeping quiet~
PITCH ~impatiently~: Who starts?
JACKIE: I think it’d be good to have Richie str –
~someone knocks on the door~
SASHA ~perplexed~: Who’s that?
TINE: Someone invited a friend?
JACKIE and PITCH: Nope!
MIHAEL: Come in!
~The door opens on Trevor~
TREVOR: Hi girls!
THE GIRLS: Oh! ~relieved~ Hi!
TREVOR: I was wondering, you didn’t kidnap Oli, right?
THE GIRLS: Why?
TREVOR: Well, I just wanted to make sure you wouldn’t torture him too – he’s a good guy, Oli, you see – I really like him – and I even think it’s a shame he doesn’t have so much space on stage – you see what I mean?
~The girls nod~
TREVOR: Because, you see, I love the bass, and I think it’s a real pity fame is always for the guitar players or the singer – not that I don’t like you, guys, eh! ~winking at the R+ guys~ That’s not what I mean, it’s just that I think Oli deserves more consideration. You understand, guys?
~The R+ guys nod~
TREVOR: Good. I just wanted to make sure that was clear.
MIHAEL: Thanks, Trevor.
TREVOR: You’re welcome. Well, so… have fun, girls!
PITCH: No worries about that!
TREVOR: See ya!
~The door closes~
MIHAEL: We should’ve kidnapped Oli too.
THE OTHER GIRLS: Hm?
MIHAEL: For Trevor, you see – he could have talked with him and –
SASHA: Mihael, it’s the Doomkrusmann Mädchen mission!! Doom – Krus – Mann – ONLY!!!
TINE: And for MÄDCHEN!
JACKIE: Yeah! that’s the most important word!
MIHAEL: Oh, yeah! Right but…
~Paul frowns~
MIHAEL: But Trevor would have been happy with Oli, talking about, I don’t know… musical stuff!
~Paul looks at Schnei~
PITCH: Well, Trevor has his wifey anyway…
~Paul then looks at Richard~
JACKIE: That’s right!
~Paul finally looks at Till~
MIHAEL: Well, right!… So who starts then?
~Paul frowns even more than before, his eyebrows totally asymmetrical~
PITCH: What’s wrong, Paul?
PAUL: How did you call zis mission?
SASHA ~smiling proudly~: Doomkrusmann! That’s MY idea! Ain’t bad, eh?
~Paul sighs~
TILL, RICHIE and SCHNEI: HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!

Part 2: The…stripper!!!!!!

JACKIE: Can we start at last?
TINE: With Richie?
JACKIE: Oh! Yes, yes, please!
SASHA: C’mon, Richie!
~Richard hesitates~
PITCH : Show us what you can do, Mr. Body Beautiful!
RICHIE: Er…what am I supposed to do exactly?
~Mihael stares at the other girls – they are waiting – Mihael doesn’t understand and goes on brushing Till’s hair with her fingers~
SASHA: Mihael!!!
MIHAEL: Hm? Oh yeah!
~Mihael looks for something in her bag – she takes out a costume. Richie looks at it then smiles broadly~
RICHIE: Oh! I think I’m gonna love it!
~Richie takes the costume and rushes to the bathroom with excitement. Paul and Schnei look at each other, perplexed. Till starts mumbling the song “YMCA”, which makes the girls laugh. When Richie comes back, he’s dressed as…a Native American warrior~
THE GIRLS: Woohoooo!
RICHIE: Hug!
~Paul frowns – Till starts giggling – Schnei is…just speechless~
RICHIE: Ready for my show, ladies?
THE GIRLS: Oh yesssss!
~Paul sighs – Till is still giggling~
SCHNEI: Oh mein Gott!
THE GIRLS: Ssssshhhhh!
~Richie looks very proud of himself. He actually stands in front of the girls, showing off his big muscles, for them to say “oooooh!” or “aaaaaaaaah!” repeatedly. Till found where the fridge was and took out some cold chicken meat and the beet root salad that Mihael obviously left there for him – Till begins to eat with a delicious grin. Schnei is looking at Richard in a jealous way. Paul is just smiling – thinking about some mysterious thing…~
JACKIE: Wow!! I think I’m gonna faint…
TINE: Tut-tut! Stay with us or nobody will wake you up!
SASHA: Oh! Richie, you’re just amazing!
RICH: Yeah, I know, sweetheart. Thanks!
PITCH: Hey! She’s a sweetheart?? What about us?
RICH: You’re a sweetie too. And you girls too, my dears!
TINE, JACKIE, MIHAEL: ~sigh in pleasure~
SCHNEI ~rolls his eyes~: Oh mein Gott!
PAUL: Richard?
RICH: Mmm?
PAUL: Weißt du, dass Pitch nur 16 ist, oder vielleicht wenig?
PITCH ~cat-like angry look~: What? Are you talking about me??
PAUL: Er…no, no!
PITCH: Good! Anyway, get ready: you gonna be next!
JACKIE: No! Schnei will be!
MIHAEL: Ah? Not Till?
RICHARD: Hello?? I’m here!!
THE GIRLS: Oh sorry! ~giggles~
SASHA: ~to Mihael~ Put the track on! ~to Richie~ Go ahead!
JACKIE: Show the best!
~Mihael puts the song “Freeek” by George Michael~
TINE: Pfff! This song sucks!
JACKIE: No! It’s perfect for this!
~Mihael rushes back to sit with the girls, right in front of Richie, who already started to dance. Till stops eating, frowns, has a look at the fridge, scratches his forehead…then takes the bottle of wine and a beer, and finally comes backs to sit with the girls. Paul frowns.~
PAUL: Wirst du Wein mit Bier trinken?
THE GIRLS: Ssshhhh!
PAUL: ~thunderstruck~ Sorry.
~Schnei frowns even more. Richie is still dancing: he takes feathers off his head band one by one and uses them to tickle every girl’s face – the girls look as if they were in heaven, facing an angel, who looks damn sexy when he sometimes turns around to shake his ass, or bends a little to make a shimmy-shimmy, or subtly licks his lips while winking at each girl one after the other. Till has started drinking the wine, and is looking at Rich in a very weird manner: it seems to be excitement and amazement at the same time. But Richie doesn’t care: he even winks at him as he does with the girls after a “hip-shake”~
SCHNEI ~long sigh~: Oh Gott!
PAUL: Hee-hee! Zat’s good to starrrt with Richarrrd!
THE GIRLS ~all turning around~: SSSSHHHHH! ~then focus back on Rich, who is unzipping his only piece of clothing: a sort of brown panty-like skirt/shorts with red motifs embroidered on it~
SCHNEI ~whispering~: Warum?
PAUL: Weil sie sehr nass werden! ~he winks at him~
SCHNEI: OH MEIN GOTT!! ~he stands up~
SASHA: Was tust du?? Sit down! Right now!! ~she looks back at Richie~
SCHNEI ~poor kid’s look~: Okay… ~he sits down again and frowns~
~Richie is now only wearing his black pants and crawls on all fours. Till is smiling at him; then he looks at his beer can and opens it; he spills all the beer on Richie’s chest. Richie pretends he’s washing himself with it. Mihael looks disgusted; Pitch giggles; Sasha frowns; Jackie and Tine jumps on Rich at the same time…and bump into each other~
TILL, PAUL and MIHAEL: HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!
TINE: Ouch!
JACKIE: Hey!
RICHARD: Are you OK?
JACKIE: Yeah… ~she puts her hand on her forehead~
TINE: I think so… ~she checks her shoulder~
RICHARD: You sure? Oh poor little girls… Come into my arms!
~Tine and Jackie look at each other, then they both take Richie in their arms at the same time~
JACKIE: You smell so good…
RICH: Thanks sweetie!
MIHAEL: Hm! Hm! He smells… beer!
TINE: And then? It’s beer on Richie… ~one lick~ And it tastes good too!
~Richie starts giggling~
JACKIE: Oh yeah! ~two licks~ So good!
~Richie goes on giggling~
TINE: D’you like it? ~three licks~
RICHARD ~giggles~: Oh, no, stop it! I’m ticklish!
MIHAEL: Really? ~pervert smile~
~Mihael picks up one of the feathers on the floor but Sasha holds her arm~
SASHA: Tut-tut! Naughty girl!
~Paul, who was smiling even more, suddenly loses his smiles and sighs~
MIHAEL: Hee-hee! Sorry!
~Jackie was starting to lick Rich again when someone knocks at the door~

The mission of “die Doomkrusmann(ders) Mädchen” – episode VII:
Paul, the good boy

~But who is knocking at the door? It’s…Aish!!~
TINE and JACKIE: Oh no!…
SASHA: What the f*ck do you want again???
SCHNEI: Oh! It’s bad to say swearrrworrrds, you know…
SASHA: Yeah, sorry… What the hell do you want again, Aish!!???
AISH: Sorry to disturb such a great party but, since I cannot join it, I thought I could waste my time usefully… So… I went on Google!
MIHAEL ~putting her right hand on her heart, in a solemn voice~: Always double-check what you will find on google!
THE GIRLS: o_O??
THE R+ GUYS: o_O???
AISH: Er…Why did you say that, Mihael?
MIHAEL: Oh, sorry – it’s just something that my American Renaissance teacher, Crazy Dick, made us swear in class last semester – seriously!!
AISH: Ah okay! Well, so I went on Google and guess what? Your name is already used!
THE GIRLS: WHAT?????
THE R+ GUYS ~looking at each other~: o_O????
JACKIE: You mean, there’s another group with our name?
TINE: Impossible!
PITCH: Really?
MIHAEL: Damn!
SASHA: That’s scandalous!
PAUL: Ja ! Verrry scandalous !
~the other R+ guys look at him, frowning ; Paul just smiles~
AISH: It’s a punk band, by the way!
PITCH: Seriously?? What stupid band could take our name?
TINE: Yeah! a metal band, it’s OK, but…punk? Pfff!
JACKIE: I can’t believe it!
AISH: You should.
MIHAEL: OH YES!!!
~the girls look at Mihael, frowning deeply~
AISH: Don’t tell me you know the band, Mihael, and chose to adopt this name willingly – it’s just…absurdly fucking dumb!
MIHAEL: Of course I know the Dropkick Murphys! My friend Lily likes them!
SASHA: But what the f*ck does it have to do with us???
PAUL: Ja! ~frowning hard, unable to find a good joke~ Was!?
MIHAEL: C’mon! It’s obvious! Doomkrusmann? Dropkick Murphys?
THE GIRLS: o_O???
MIHAEL: DKM!!!
RICHARD: Oh! You mean: KMFDM? I LOVE this band! I can dance all night long while listening to their music – it’s so powerful! It’s so…so…er…
~Mihael rolls her eyes, whispers something to Till’s ear~
TILL: Richarrrd! Sit down!
RICHARD: Okay.
MIHAEL: DKM! They use the same initials.
SASHA: Bunch of motherf*ckers! They get me even angrier than those stupid R+ fans who ask stupid questions on the Facebook group! RRRrrrr!
MIHAEL: You don’t even know the Dropkick Murphys! They’re not too bad…
PITCH: They make punk music – that’s enough to say!
TINE: Yeah! Pfff!
JACKIE ~desperate~: So what should we do now?
TINE: We’ve got to kill them with the Steinmobile!
TILL: Oh ja! I take ze commands of ze new big flamethrrrower in ze front!
RICHARD: And I drive!
SASHA: No! We have to…change our name!!
PAUL: Ja!
AISH: No pyro stuff then? Okay, so I think I gonna go.
~Aish leaves the room, where everybody (except Sasha) is now frowning at Paul~
SASHA: We’ve got to change our name, that’s the only solution left – and it’s good because I was thinking about it and I realised that it’s not fair –
PAUL: Nein, not fair at all!
SASHA:– for our little Paul –
PAUL ~pointing at himself~: Me!
SASHA: – that he’s not included in our name. Really! We should find something better than “+ Bonus Paul”! I mean –
PAUL ~with his angry baby look~: I’m not just a bonoos!
SASHA ~turning to face Paul~: Of course you’re not!
~Sasha takes Paul into her arm and cuddles him like a baby; Paul, of course, is smiling as if he were in heaven~
MIHAEL: Any suggestions?
…
SASHA: Die Doomkrusmannders Mädchen!!
JACKIE: Oh yes! I like it!
PITCH: Cool!
TINE: A bit long but it’s okay – I vote for it!
MIHAEL: Mmm…Yeah! Phonetically, it sounds good!
SASHA: Excellent! See, Paul? You’ve got your moment of glory now!
~Paul smiles, turns towards to the other R+ guys~
PAUL: Und mehr vielleicht!
THE OTHER R+: Pffff!